Weight can be a touchy subject for just about anyone these days. Weight gain in particular can be even worse. When you’re someone who’s dealt with food and weight related issues in the past, how are you supposed to deal with the mixed emotions that come with pregnancy weight gain? As a logical human being you know you’re supposed to gain weight during pregnancy. It’s a necessary evil (for most) to make sure that little creature you’re growing comes out as healthy as possible. However, there are a lot of people, like myself, who have difficulty coming to terms with the fact that the number on the scale keeps going up and, no matter how many times you tell yourself it’s necessary and for the good of your baby, there’s still that nagging voice in the back of your mind telling you that you’re ruining everything. It’s a strange emotion to try and process that’s for damn sure. I’m in this constant state of trying to do what’s right for my baby but also trying to appease the inner demons that constantly berate me and tell me my self worth is determined by that number on the scale. It’s insanity and I’m aware of it. I’m 31 weeks today and I still don’t think I’ve come to terms with gaining weight. Maybe I never will during this pregnancy but at least I can confidently say I’m “staying afloat.” I haven’t let myself succumb to the voices in my head that are trying to derail me. I think doing what’s right for this little guy inside of me will triumph no matter what but damn if it’s not a close battle. I have days where I get on the scale and the number has dropped. For a fleeting moment I’m happy but then the guilt and shame set in and I have to remind myself that that’s not good. Like I said, it’s an odd mix of emotions to try and process but I’m working on it. I’m just taking it day by day for now and that’s all I can ask of myself. I try my best to do what I’m supposed to and I leave the rest to nature.